


He's All That

by orphan_account



Series: Not Another Modern AU [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: A lot of it!, Affection, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, M/M, Older Kylo, Past Child Abuse, just relationship drama, more swearing, no clear plot whatsoever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6648952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is still an aimless teenager and Kylo is still Rey's weird older cousin, except now they're dating.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, it's a complete disaster.</p><p>(In which Kylo is over-affectionate and Hux isn't quite sure how to deal with it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's All That

**Author's Note:**

> So before you read there are some warnings I'd like to give, just in case. There is a mention of past abuse (as seen in the tags) and there is also a mention of a past eating disorder (as not seen in the tags). They're both talked about in passing and there is no detail of it further than that, and both are said in the same paragraph of speech so are easy to skip past. There is also a casual mention of rape in a kind of jokey way- it doesn't happen to any of the characters, but it might be triggering for some people so I'll add it in here at the beginning. If anything else in this makes you uncomfortable then I apologise, but sometimes getting into the mindset of characters like Kylo and Hux doesn't always produce complete fluff. Sorry.
> 
> Another warning is that this is (definitely) an unhealthy relationship (despite it being dressed up in a fluffy modern au), but you're reading kylux, so you may have already guessed.

“I love you,” Kylo says, for the fifth time in the last two hours.

“I know, darling. I haven't forgotten in the last twenty minutes, I can assure you.”

“I know, but I just-” Kylo flushes. “I just want you to know, is all.”

His cheeks grow redder, and Hux's heart twinges. He delights in how easily he can still fluster Kylo, despite the fact that they're together now. He suspects it's a combination of the childish innocence of first love and the joy of finally receiving something one has wanted for a long time, but Kylo is alike to a _schoolboy_ with his earnest adoration for Hux. It's incredibly sweet, and being shown such an excessive amount of affection so often does funny things to Hux's heart.

“Thank you, Kylo. I love you too,” he says, and gets a happy grin in return.

While Kylo is rather gratuitous with his 'I love you's', Hux's are few and far between. For him, it would lose it's meaning if said too often, but for Kylo, who spends most of his time with his heart on his sleeve anyway, it means more when said as frequently as possible. Hux supposes he's waited long enough to be able to say it.

He had been rather taken aback when he received an ardent love confession on only their first date, sitting across from Kylo in that terrible diner they'd rescued Rey from once- Starkiller base. It wasn't like other people hadn't told him how Kylo felt, and Kylo had even mentioned it himself, once. But 'I love you' isn't exactly the same as a fucking _mention_. He'd choked on his milkshake and fumbled for something to say for a full minute.

“I-”

“Don't,” Kylo had interrupted, tone sharp. “You don't have to say it back. I know you don't feel the same. Not yet, at least. When… _If_ you eventually say it back, I want you to mean it.”

“But… I feel _rude._ I don't know if I can just leave you hanging,” Hux had objected.

“I don't care about that. _I'm_ still gonna say it,” Kylo had admitted. “Because I _do_. I love you, Hux. There are a thousand times I've wanted to tell you, and I don't have to keep quiet any longer, not now I've got you. Which is… okay. With me, at least. It's more important to me that if you do say it one day, it isn't just to make me feel better.”

It was the most coherent and honest Hux had ever heard him, so he'd just nodded in understanding and reluctantly gone back to his milkshake. Kylo had become more recognisable later on, however, when they'd emerged from the diner to find his car missing, presumably stolen. He'd had, quite frankly, the most _spectacular_ tantrum in the parking lot before he remembered himself and who he was with, and stammered his way through multiple apologies before Hux finally took pity on him and grabbed his hand, suggesting that they just walk home instead. The car problem could be sorted out another day. Walking had taken _ages_ , but they'd decided it was worth it in the end, after making out for even longer in front of Hux's house, before they were interrupted when Hux was called in by his father.

Hux _had_ finally said 'I love you' a few months later at graduation, in amidst people hugging their parents and throwing their caps in the air. Kylo had already been sniffling because of Rey graduating- it _was_ because he was proud, however much he still denies it- and he'd just buried his face in Hux's neck and cried harder.

“Does it annoy you?” Kylo asks, as he leans back against his pillow to carry on watching Hux study. “That I tell you so often?”

“No,” Hux says softly. “Although, I think 'often' is an understatement. You tell me at least a dozen times a day.” Which is completely true, because even if they don't see each other Hux's phone is constantly buzzing with over-dramatic declarations of his feelings. Kylo still pouts at Hux's remark, though, despite his previous assurance. “But I like that, Kylo. A lot.”

“Do you want me to say it more?” At Hux's baffled look, he adds, “because I will. If that's what you want.” He reaches across the bed to clutch at Hux's hand, a fervent expression on his face. “I'd do anything for you. Whatever you want.”

Hux smiles, giving Kylo's hand a squeeze before taking it back. “I know. But everything is fine how it is. Things are fine the way they are.”

Melodrama is just another one of Kylo's many eccentricities- one that Hux has known about for a long time, but it seems to have gotten even _worse_ now they're dating. Hux does _not_ need to be serenaded in the early hours of the morning, nor does he need to be brought on stage at Kylo's shows and announced to be both his muse and his boyfriend. But a part of him does find Kylo's excitement at their relationship endearing, especially as it's still going strong at five months in.

“Okay,” Kylo murmurs, biting his lip. Then Hux is _completely_ taken off guard by being suddenly dragged forward into his lap.

“ _Kylo!”_ He squawks. “What are you _doing?”_

“Getting handsy with my boyfriend,” he teases. “Come on, it's _summer_. You don't _need_ to study. You're not even _going_ to college.”

“Yes, but summer's nearly over. And the apprenticeship your mother secured me really _is_ one of a kind. I need to be _prepared_ ,” he argues, and Kylo huffs in amusement.

“You're such a nerd,” he says, fondness softening his face. “I love you.”

“Kylo-” It's all Hux gets out before he's being kissed within an inch of his life. He does revel in the way Kylo kisses- it's not with the same mix of finesse and urgency that Mitaka had offered, nor the purity of his first kiss with Thanisson, or the incompetence he'd received from forgettable drunken fumbles he's had with various other people. Kylo kisses like he _means_ it, like Hux is the only person in the world.

He's suddenly pushed over and unceremoniously shoved onto his back with a yelp. Kylo leans over him, smirking at his ability to manhandle Hux. “You need to stop stressing out,” he whispers. “Let me help you relax.”

He really shouldn't let himself indulge like this. But he can feel Kylo hard against his hip and he's steadily becoming more turned on by Kylo's cocky grin and the way his thumb is rubbing circles against Hux's neck. One short break can't hurt, right?

“ _Fine_. Make it quick.”

“You're such a pushover.”

His offended protests are quickly drowned out by the sound of Kylo's laughter as his hands fumble with Hux's belt.

 

* * *

 

His first moment of peace in months comes in the unexpected form of sitting on the battered swings at Endor in the early hours of the morning with Phasma. The first few weeks after he and Kylo started dating had been utter bliss due to their surprising calmness, but had quickly been followed by an intense flurry of studying, exams and college applications. He had thought summer would allow him to breathe, but of _course_ his friends thought it was their turn to help plan for the travelling carnival that would be arriving in Jakku later that year. He'd been roped into that, which had taken up far too much of his time. Mercifully, Leia managed to convince Rey that his upcoming apprenticeship was more important for him to focus on than some silly carnival. She had reluctantly complied, and Hux had been set free. He owes Leia Organa a great deal.

“You're so lucky you're dating Kylo. It makes you Leia's favourite,” Phasma comments, taking a drag of her cigarette.

“Jealous, much? And it's a good thing I _am_ her favourite. If she hadn't got me that job I'd probably have been shipped away to the First Order Military Academy by my dad.”

“True. I have no idea how we've all ended up picking colleges and jobs near to Jakku. It's like I'm never gonna get rid of you guys.”

“Oh, _please_. You've been angling for Han to give you a job for _years_. You even learnt Chewie's language, for fuck's sake. Don't give me that bullshit about wanting to get away from Jakku.” Phasma just smiles, unable to deny it. “As much as I hate this place, I am glad I'm not leaving. It means I still get to see Kylo.”

Phasma barks a laugh. “Since when did you get so soft, Hux?”

“I don't know. You'd understand if you were dating someone.”

“It's a good thing I never will, then. Aromanticism will do that to you.” She uses the chain of the swing to put out her cigarette. “Talking of Kylo, though, you still haven't told me what he's like in bed.”

“Are you making a move on my boyfriend, Phasma?” He asks, and she snorts incredulously.

“As if. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your boyfriend is extremely fucking _gay_. And even if he _was_ bi, it's not like he'd take a second look at any girls. He's only got eyes for you. You have him seriously whipped.”

“I'm aware he likes guys, yeah. We'd be in a bit of trouble if he didn't.”

“So, tell me. Is he a good fuck?” He rolls his eyes at her, ignoring the question. “Come on, at least tell me what your first time with him was like. Better than your first time with Mitaka?”

The smoke he's inhaling gets caught in his throat as a fit of explosive laughter escapes him, sending him into a series of shaky coughs. “No,” he says. “Definitely not. I almost thought we weren't even going to _have_ a first time at one point- you know what virgins are like. I could barely get his pants off before he was coming.” Phasma nods in understanding. “But we got there eventually. And it was actually quite shit.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “Obviously- virgins are all the same. But come on, is he any better now? He looks like one of those guys that's into really weird things. Is the sex kinky? Please tell, sixteen year old me is _dying_ to know.”

“Fuck you. The sex is _fine_. It's great, actually. And I think he's enjoying it too, if all of his shitty songs are anything to go by.”

“Will he ever write a song that _isn't_ about you?”

“Unlikely.”

 

* * *

 

_I love you._

Hux smiles at the text, which is followed by a link to some saccharine sonnet by an obscure poet that was probably recommended to Kylo by Poe, whom is well known to be absolutely _terrible_ when it comes to romance.

 _Sap_ , he replies.

“Is that Ben?” Leia asks, and Hux nods at her, putting his phone in his jacket pocket.

“Yeah, he's just… being romantic, I guess. Or at least trying.”

“Well, he takes after his father in that respect. Han is almost _unbearable_ when he gets romantic,” she remarks, and it makes Hux huff in amusement. “Don't tell me- it's poetry. Is it poetry? That's a signature Solo move.”

He grins. “It's poetry.”

Leia grants him a soft smile; one that Hux has not seen often. Leia Organa is fierce and cutting, all jagged edges and fire, and this is often reflected in her smiles, which tend to be sharp, most days. But when it comes to her family, her face softens and her smiles follow, warm and glowing with her love for them. It allows Hux to see even further the beauty she once was, still _is_ , and he adores her. She's always been a personal hero of his, the way she distanced herself with such grace from her father and all the terrible, terrible things he did, and made it this far. When he was a lot younger, he couldn't understand why her son idolised his grandfather so, and was fairly disgusted at his ungratefulness. Kylo has grown up since then, but Hux used to fancy that he would've been a far better son than Ben Solo, and envied him dreadfully. Perhaps it was the petty jealousy that had blocked him from seeing, he thinks, made him blind and deaf to Kylo's affections.

“Oh, he really is ridiculous. I bet it's not even good.”

“It's not.”

She laughs, and hands him another file. Hux spends most of the day doing filing and other assorted unimportant tasks, but that's pretty much what he'd expected to happen anyway- it is his first day, after all, and he's grateful to Leia for the opportunity. He supposes it's possible to get these kind of job perks when you're dating the son of a very important government official.

“So how was your day?” Leia asks later, as she gives him a ride back to the Skywalker house.

“It was good. I learnt a lot,” he says.

“Give it a ten years and you might end up in Luke's old position.”

Nobody knows exactly what Luke Skywalker had done for a job, much like people aren't entirely sure what Leia Organa does, either. All that's known is that he spent a decade high up in the government, and threw it all away to single-handedly raise his daughter. It's a story that Rey loves to tell- not having a mother is a sensitive subject for her, to say the least, but Hux is aware of just how _loved_ she feels knowing that her father, despite being gay, single, and occupied with his career, went out and partook in IVF treatment with some secret surrogate who died in childbirth, _just_ so he could have a baby. Hux is _also_ aware that it makes Rey feel very mysterious, and for years she had assumed she'd eventually discover she had some kind of supernatural ability or familial connection to something mystical because of her unknown mother.

Hux turns to Leia, stuck on the fact that she seems to think he's good enough to work the kind of job Luke had. “You're serious?”

“Of course. You're smart, Hux. I didn't just get you this job because you're dating my son or friends with my niece. You're capable and you're driven. I got you the job because I know you can do this.”

Hux pauses, words stuck in his throat. Kylo is so lucky to have a mother like her. “Thank you, Mrs Organa. It means a lot.”

She just smiles at him, soft and kind and fond, and well, fuck. Hux supposes he almost _is_ a part of the Skywalker family now. It's been becoming more and more inevitable since he was eleven years old, and he's finally here. Officially a member of the strangest gene pool in the galaxy. He can't say he's exactly surprised.

“Ben isn't here,” Rey says, when they get to the house and Hux enters the kitchen. “He's at band practice. But these are for you.” A wildly drooping bouquet of flowers is pushed into his hands, and Rey sighs at him. “He also asked me to say a bunch of lovey-dovey shit that went on for _way_ to long for me to repeat. Basically, just know he's desperately in love with you and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I'm not sure what else. I stopped listening after five minutes.”

“Thanks,” Hux says. “But I know all that stuff.” He's grinning like an idiot at his flowers and Rey is making retching sounds at him, but promptly shuts up when Leia walks past, feigning innocence.

“What did I tell you, Hux? Unbearable. Ridiculous. He'll be proposing next,” Leia says, disappearing through the other door as Rey and Hux laugh in her wake.

“I'm surprised he hasn't scared you off yet,” Rey comments. “Kylo can be… intense. Obsessive, even. He's been obsessed with you for _years_.”

“Yeah, I'm aware. He doesn't exactly hide it.” He sits down at the table with her, and she slides him her soda, with a nod to let him know he can finish it. “But… I don't know. Would it be selfish if I said I liked the attention?”

“No. Who _wouldn't_ want to be doted on and told how loved they are fifty times a day? And I guess… with your history. Mitaka wasn't the most affectionate of boyfriends.”

“Come on, we were fuck buddies at _best_. It wasn't like that. Kylo's different. I just meant… I like knowing. That he's still into me.”

“ _Hux_. He's been completely gone on you since he was _thirteen_. He's probably going to be into you _forever_.”

He shrugs, still doubtful, but their conversation is interrupted by the door banging open to the sound of Poe and Jessika excitedly talking about their day. Thoughts of Kylo are washed away for the rest of the night by the entrance of Finn and Phasma a little while later, as the main topic of conversation is first days at their new colleges and jobs. Hux knows he should feel like he's growing up, seeing as he's not in school anymore. But things are the same- here, with his friends.

He's pretty sure it's a good thing.

 

* * *

 

He awakens later that night to the sound of something hitting his window. He stirs restlessly, assuming it's just a bird or a branch or something, and turns over to try to go back to sleep. But it happens again. And again. And again. He bolts upright with a huff, throwing the curtains back furiously and looking down to see Kylo staring up at him, soaked to the skin with a handful of pebbles in his hand.

Of course it's Kylo. Of course.

“It's the middle of the night, what do you _want?”_ He snaps once he's crept down to the front door and unlocked it as silently as possible.

“You,” Kylo says, and steps in from the rain to viciously crush Hux's lips against his. “I'm so in love with you,” he murmurs, drawing back slightly to gaze adoringly at him, pupils blown wide. The way Kylo looks at Hux makes him feel akin to a _deity_ sometimes, a mix of utter reverence and lovestruck hunger. Hux wonders, from time to time, if there is anything he could ask that Kylo wouldn't do for him. He can be insecure, occasionally, about the sustainability of their relationship, but he'd be a _fool_ to deny the way Kylo is looking at him right now. “Sometimes I want to rip out my heart just so I can give it to you. So you can know how entirely I belong to you. I'm yours, Hux.”

And _fuck_ , if that isn't the hottest thing he's ever heard. “Wait,” he whispers. “Come upstairs.”

Kylo nods, and dithers awkwardly as Hux shuts the door quietly, and begins tiptoeing upstairs, beckoning for Kylo to follow him. As soon as his bedroom door shuts, Kylo is on him again, pushing him backwards onto his bed, straddling him and sucking on his neck.

“Did you like the flowers?” Comes the murmur against his neck

“They were lovely, thank you.”

He feels Kylo grin against his skin, almost manic, clinging on to his biceps and digging his fingernails in. This is _great_ \- messy and sudden and the perfect recipe for some mind-blowing sex. But something just feels _off_ as Kylo mouths along his jawline.

“Kylo,” Hux says, shoving at his shoulder. “Stop.”

Almost immediately, Kylo stiffens, pulling back quickly. “Did I do something wrong?” He asks, panting and trembling.

“Are you okay? You're really shaking, and this is so sudden...”

“I'm…” His lip quivers. “No. I'm not okay,” he admits, face crumpling as a sob heaves it's way from his chest. “ _Hux_ ,” he whimpers, collapsing into his arms.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He questions, soothingly stroking at Kylo's hair.

“It's _Snoke_ ,” he hisses into Hux's neck, before realising how muffled he must sound, lifting his head up. His eyes are red and watery, his cheeks stained with tears. “He's one of _them_.” At Hux's bewildered expression, he elaborates, “the mob bosses. Like my grandfather.”

“Why the fuck is your band manager a _mob boss_ all of a sudden?”

“Looking for fresh meat, I think. Or some pretty teenagers to fuck. But he asked me to… to join. To get involved. A few years ago, I would've agreed in an instant, but now, I'm not...” He trails off, sighing. “I still admire my grandfather. He was clever, and _artful_. But Snoke is a _brute_. It's a dangerous lifestyle, and I have things I'm not prepared to lose. Like my family. Like you.” His fingers dance across Hux's cheek at that, fleeting and fond. “I knew you wouldn't approve. So I said no. But he… _threatened_ you.” Kylo's expression twists into one of fury, all teeth and glaring. “It was a joke, just at my expense. Just to see how I'd react. But it just made me imagine what it'd be like to lose you.”

Hux, head reeling, attempts to process the information. “And what was that like?”

“It was the single most painful moment of my life.”

“Even worse than listening to Rey's music?”

Kylo's mouth shifts into a weak smile. “Even worse than that.”

“Well, I'm here,” Hux murmurs. “I'm alive.” Kylo gasps a relieved breath and screws his eyes shut, pressing his forehead against Hux's. “You're sure it was a joke?”

“Yeah. Yeah, the mobs around here haven't killed anyone under twenty-one since Order 66.”

“Something your grandfather was involved in, I presume?”

“Yeah. It was a different time. Nowadays killing children draws too much attention. Guys in their twenties die all the time, but you… A beautiful teenager, fresh out of high school and in an apprenticeship with Leia Organa, cut down in his prime… They wouldn't risk it. It was definitely a joke. I just wasn't thinking straight at the time.”

“Beautiful?”

Kylo opens his eyes, huffing a laugh. “You know you are.”

“I love you, Kylo.”

“I love you too,” he mumbles against Hux's lips, and kisses him, brief and tender. “Can I stay here tonight? Please? I don't want to leave you. We can do whatever you want. Fuck. Talk about your first day.”

“Yes to both. In that order. But can we please get you out of these wet clothes? You're dripping all over my bed.”

“Okay,” Kylo complies, and begins taking off his clothing. “I don't know what to do, now. I can't go to the police, since I have no proof. And I can't exactly stay with the band.”

Hux pulls Kylo, now naked, onto the bed. “What do you like?”

“I don't know. Singing. The colour black. You.”

“What are you _good_ at?”

“I don't know that either. Singing. Writing? I throw a mean punch, I suppose.”

“There you go then,” he says, crushing Kylo further against him. A moan catches in his throat as Kylo works a hand under his t-shirt. “Lots of jobs involve punching people. You could be a boxer. Or a bodyguard. Or-”

“Bodyguard,” Kylo whispers. “I like that.” He kisses down Hux's collarbone, “I like the idea of protecting you.”

“Well, it wouldn't be me, but… yeah, whatever. We can sort it out tomorrow.”

If the way Hux's pants are tugged off a minute later is any indicator, Kylo agrees.

 

* * *

 

“Come on, Hux. Just give me another chance.”

“Fuck off.”

Christ, he's just come to the grocery store get some soda and stock up on candy for tonight, not so he can be _accosted_ by his ex. All of his stupid friends have fucked off to different corners of the store, distracted by various different things, and he's been _abandoned_ , left to fend off his annoying ex-boyfriend all by himself.

“You don't miss me?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“Who, Ben Solo?” Mitaka sneers. “That emo weirdo who changed his name a while back? Yeah, okay. When do you wanna meet up?”

“I mean it,” Hux hisses. “I have a _boyfriend_. One who writes shitty poems and shitty songs that are all about _me_. One who gets me flowers and throws pebbles at my window. He loves me. You never did. I'm _happy_ , and I don't need _you_.”

“Yeah, Hux, I'm pretty sure all of Jakku knows how that guy feels about you. But _his_ feelings don't mean anything.”

“What do you mean, 'all of Jakku knows'?”

Mitaka shrugs, “it means what I said. I didn't go to the last Skywalker party because I assumed you wouldn't want to see me, but I presume he did the same thing he does every year- stand in the corner and stare at you. It's really quite obvious. Everyone notices.”

“He didn't- he wasn't… he doesn't _stare_ at me!” Hux splutters. But shit, Mitaka has a point. Hux knows Kylo has loved him for a long time, so it does, perhaps, hold a ring of truth. He'd truly thought Kylo had just stared at the cake.

“Whatever,” Mitaka says dismissively. “I don't care if the guy's in love with you. Doesn't mean we can't fuck.”

“Maybe not, but the fact that I love him back might factor into it.”

“Oh, give me a _break!”_ Mitaka exclaims, snorting. “You can't actually _like_ that douchebag!”

“ _You_ can talk! You _cheated_ on me, which I'm pretty sure makes _you_ the douchebag. Not _Kylo.”_

“Oh, is that what he calls himself? _Kylo?”_ Mitaka crowds him against the wall, gripping Hux by the waist. It's Friday night, so the store isn't exactly deserted, but nobody comes rushing to his rescue. “Great name. But does he give better blowjobs than I did?”

“ _Fuck_ you,” Hux says, struggling to get away. If only he weren't so skinny and weak. “His blowjobs are way better.”

Mitaka's lip curls into a snarl. “You know, he's always been a weird kid. Hanging around his little cousin and her friends constantly. I guess that was because of you. I bet he's into all sorts of weird shit. Does he make you dress up like a schoolboy?” Hux sneers, but Mitaka presses on. “Now tell me, do the daddy issues carry on into the bedroom or-”

With a muffled thump, Mitaka stumbles to the side and crumples to the ground, clutching the side of his head, and Hux turns to see Rey, looking furious. “Did you just punch my ex for me?” He asks.

“Yes,” she replies, aiming a kick at Mitaka, who is apparently a huge _pussy_ , as he fell over from just one punch. “And for Ben.”

“You're terrifying.”

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

“You _what?”_ Kylo shouts, stamping his foot like a toddler who hasn't got his way.

“I saw Mitaka,” Hux repeats, shaking his head in irritation at the impending tantrum he's about to witness. “He propositioned me. I said no of course, but he didn't like that. Rey beat the holy hell out of him and we've been temporarily banned from the fucking grocery store.”

“Did he touch you?” Comes the hissed reply. Kylo is still pacing, _seething_ , really, face flushed with rage and fists clenched. Holy _fuck_ , do Solo's get insanely jealous. He's almost regretting listening to Rey's suggestion of coming and telling Kylo the truth.

“Yes. On my waist. I couldn't shove him off, I'm sorry-”

Kylo is on him then, knocking him back onto the bed, large hands spanning Hux's waist as he plunges his tongue into his mouth. It's sloppy and rushed and Hux surprisingly isn't into it at _all_ , but Kylo being angry is kind of a turn on for him, so he lets him rub all over him like he's marking his fucking territory or something. Kylo almost tears his hair out, the sheer force with which he touches every part of him possible, breaths coming heavy and frenzied. Hux moans, dirty and unapologetic into Kylo's mouth, but suddenly he's moving _away_ , and did he have to wait to give Hux a boner before he did that?

“I'm going to _murder_ him,” Kylo growls, snatching up the ridiculous longsword on display on his wall. Everyone knows the story behind it- Anakin Skywalker had used it, had been a master at sword-fighting both before and after he got caught up in the mob. Kylo treats it as a prized, vintage possession now, something to be kept on display, not used, so _wow_ he must be angry to even _consider_ using it to _literally kill someone_.

“Shit, stop it, Kylo!” He exclaims, stumbling up from the bed. “Be rational-”

“He _touched_ you!” Kylo spins around to face him. “He doesn't get to touch you!”

“Just calm down.”

“ _No!_ _I_ love you! _He_ doesn't! You're not _his_ to touch!”

“And I'm not _yours_ , either!” Hux snaps. Now _that_ makes Kylo freeze. “I don't _belong_ to you. You don't _own_ me. I wouldn't ever cheat on you, but are people not even allowed to touch my _waist_ without you _actually_ planning to murder them? That's really possessive. And extremely unhealthy. Not to mention _illegal_.”

“I know,” Kylo whispers, deflating and letting the sword clatter to the floor. “I'm sorry. I just… Please don't leave me.”

Hux sighs. “I'm not going to leave you.”

“But you _will_ ,” Kylo wails, stamping his foot again. “Maybe not today, but you'll leave me one day. I _know_ you will. I'm not good enough for you- we aren't built to last.”

Hux inhales sharply, shocked at Kylo's words. Kylo seems to regret saying them, flicking his eyes to the ground and shifting uncomfortably, but it's not down to him disbelieving them, just Hux's reaction.

“You _really_ think that?” He chokes out. “That we aren't built to last? I don't know where you got this absurd idea that you're not good enough for me, but that's _bullshit_. And if you're so sure that we're going to break up in the future, why the fuck are you even _dating_ me?”

“I'm taking what I can get before you realise how much better you deserve.”

“Do you really think I get _nothing_ from this relationship?”

“Tolerable sex. Complete devotion. That's enough for you at the moment.”

Hux slaps him with such force the sound rings in his ears. Everything seems to freeze, Hux's heart beating out a frenzy and Kylo, stiffened and red-faced, barely looks as if he's breathing.

“Fuck. You.” He hates the tremor in his voice. “If you think I'm that shitty a boyfriend, then break up with me. I can't believe you claim to love me yet think of me like I'm some second-rate whore that's ready to drop you the minute someone else comes along.”

“You don't even _know!”_ Kylo spits, all of a sudden filled with vehemence. “All those years I spent looking at you, you never _once_ looked back. I've loved you for _seven years_.” Shoulders rising and falling rapidly, he turns his head away. “Loving you is like.. like fucking _breathing_. But I'm always aware of it. Every single pain-staking second. You have no _idea_ how much I've wanted you, dreamt about… _this_. Exactly this. Being with you.” His eyes lift to Hux again. “Can you _blame_ me for being terrified about losing it? Overly protective? Possessive? It feels too good to be true.”

“I _can_ blame you,” Hux says, not as mollified as he thought he'd be. Kylo has been infatuated with him for far too long for it to just go ignored in their relationship, so he knew they'd have this conversation eventually, he just didn't guess it would be in these circumstances. “And I will.”

“ _W_ _hat?”_ Kylo gazes at him in disbelief.

“You don't love me, Kylo,” Hux realises, his heart breaking into tiny little pieces. “I love you. But you have idealised me for so long that you don't even _know_ me. You don't love me. I'm your perfect little fantasy- I've been this beautiful boy on a pedestal since you were thirteen. I'm not your equal, not in your mind. Maybe you were right. Maybe we _aren't_ built to last.”

“Don't do this.” Kylo is beginning to cry, tears flowing freely as he stumbles toward Hux, cupping his face in his hands. “This is just a fight, you don't get to break up with me, not _yet_ -”

“There you go _again!_ Treating our relationship like some statistical inevitability!” Hux moves backwards, away from Kylo's grasp. “If you really loved me- which you _don't_ \- you'd trust me. But you don't. You _don't_.”

“Hux.” Kylo is starting to panic, shaking his head wildly. “No, no, no, you can't, you can't _please_ ,” he babbles, and falls to his knees when Hux takes another step towards the door. He clings to Hux's waist, hands knotting into the fabric of his shirt. “I love you. I do. I'll do _anything_.”

“I'm sorry, Ben.”

 

* * *

 

He reluctantly drags himself out of bed to get the door, sleep-rumpled and exhausted in pyjama pants and Kylo's old hoodie. He's shocked to see Rey and Poe standing outside, holding pizza boxes and smiling gently at his state.

“Hey,” Poe says, and Hux moves to the side to allow them in.

It's been a week. He's thrown himself into work, despite there still not being much to do, but Leia has been surprisingly understanding about the whole thing, giving him as much as possible to distract him. “I'm not taking sides,” she'd told Hux softly, and he'd bitten back tears of gratitude. He'd been planning to lay in bed all weekend and cry but…

“You don't hate me,” he says bluntly, staring at Rey.

“No,” she replies. “You're one of my best friends, dickhead. I knew you needed some time- I know what you're like. Ben may be my cousin but I'm certainly not going to condemn you for ending a relationship you didn't want to be in anymore.”

He covers the lump in his throat with a cough, and hesitantly approaches the table where Rey and Poe have made themselves at home, pizza boxes open and feet on the table.

“How is he?” He asks.

Rey and Poe share a look. “Truthfully?” Poe says.

“Yes.”

“Terrible,” Rey admits. “Really fucking bad. Worse than when you and Mitaka started dating. You'd think someone had _died_.”

“Wait, what happened when I started dating _Mitaka?_ That was years ago.”

“Oh, he was _heartbroken_. Cried for _hours_. Destroyed all the mix tapes he'd been making you over the last five years. Couldn't stop watching the Notebook.” It's the first time _Hux_ has heard of any of it. “But this time… he pretty much cried for the first few _days_. Dad kept leaving water bottles outside his room, we were terrified he was going to dehydrate himself.”

It makes Hux smile, in spite of everything. Oh, Luke.

“His blog is a complete _mess_ of self-loathing and man-pain right now, you have no idea. And poor Beebee-Ate. Poe has had to hand his cat over because it has the _audacity_ to have some ginger on it. It reminds Kylo of you.”

“Why didn't you just… say no?” Hux asks Poe. “Beebee-Ate is yours? Not his?”

“You haven't seen him,” he answers. “I couldn't deny him _anything_. The guy looks half-dead.”

“He really does,” Rey says worriedly. “He doesn't cry during the day anymore, but I hear him at night. It sounds _wretched_. In the day he just sits there like a ghost, constantly watching sad movies and hugging Poe's cat. He barely eats. I don't think he's slept in days. He hasn't showered since you last saw him. He hasn't even listened to any _music,_ _or_ vagued about you on Twitter. I don't know who I'm living with anymore.”

Hux's heart is heavy in his chest. He hadn't meant to _hurt_ Kylo- that wasn't his intention. He just… Kylo doesn't love him. Never has. His eyes are finally open to that now. It's for the best.

“So you haven't talked to him?” He asks. “At all?”

“A bit,” Rey admits. “Just to ask if he wants something to eat or drink. I haven't talked to him about that night though, but it's fairly obvious what happened. We heard you shouting and leaving and then Kylo started howling like the world was ending. We kinda guessed.”

“The only person he'll talk to is Chewie,” Poe cuts in. “But nobody else can do anything to help. I mean, I can't believe I actually _want_ to, but… the dude's making himself _ill_. It's not healthy. And by the looks of it, you aren't much better. How much work have you done this week? Have you gone one day without smoking? Had one good night's sleep?”

Hux scowls. “I'm dealing with it my own way, thank you very much. It's not my fault Kylo won't take care of himself.”

“Yes it is, Hux,” Rey says softly. “I'm not _blaming_ you, but… you've been the centre of his universe since before he even hit puberty. Please don't completely remove yourself from the situation.”

“He'll get over it. He doesn't _actually_ love me, Rey. Now he's had me for a while the novelty will wear off.”

Poe chokes on the slice of pizza he'd been cramming into his mouth and Rey gasps, staring at him like he's grown a second head. “ _What?”_ She questions. “He doesn't _love_ you? Where did you get _that_ from? Is this why you broke up with him?”

“Yeah, that's why I broke up with him. He doesn't love me. He's idealised me for so long tha-”

“Oh, it's the _idealisation_ argument,” Rey snaps viciously, and boy does Hux hate being on the receiving end of Rey's sharp tongue and anger. “ _Please_. Ben does a lot of ridiculous things but he's never idealised his little cousin's annoying ginger friend, I can tell you that much. We used to drive him _mad_. He still adored you, of course, but you still irritated him in that special way that only eleven year old's can.”

“Maybe back then, but it's been so many years that he's loved me from afar that he couldn't _possibly_ ever know me properly.”

“Are you telling me that he hasn't learnt _anything_ about you in the five months that you've been dating? And you know just as well as I do that he's been listening in to all of our conversations since he was fourteen and he'd convinced himself that wearing black made him stealthy. I suspect he knows just as much as we do about you.”

“Rey...” He sighs.

“Look, I'd get it if it were for any other reason,” she says. “He's obsessive when it comes to you. Scary, almost. He reveres you in such a way that it's _creepy_ , and if that got too much then I couldn't blame you for needing to get away. But I _know_ my cousin. And I know he loves you. Your reasoning is _absurd_.”

Hux doesn't say anything, just does his best not to meet her eyes and keeps them fixed on the table, guilty but steadfast in his decision. Eventually, Rey just huffs at his silence and rises from her seat, grabbing one of the pizza boxes.

“Come on Poe, we're leaving,” she prompts, and leans over to Hux. “Please think about this some more. I don't know all the details of what caused you to come to that conclusion, but you may have acted hastily.” She tilts her head, seeming to remember something. “And do me a favour. Talk to Kylo, at the very least. End on good terms. Don't let Mitaka be a catalyst to the destruction of your relationship.”

She exits the kitchen and he does his best not to watch her, still in fear of having to look her in the eyes. Poe remains, and smiles gently at him when he finally lifts his head.

“It'll be okay, buddy,” Poe whispers, and Hux bites back a sob. “Just don't let this ruin everything with your friends. We'll still be here for you whatever happens. Don't be afraid to come back to the Skywalker house.”

“Thanks, Poe.”

And so Poe leaves, and Hux is left alone again. Except now, he's not really sure he wants to be.

 

* * *

 

Endor just isn't the same when he's alone.

This is his _and_ Phasma's place, not _just_ his. It's lonely, and cold. But he had to get out of the house, the words that he and Rey had shared were stifling him, despite the fact that their conversation had transpired days ago. He sighs, reluctantly pulling himself to his feet, unable to stand the temperature any longer. If only he'd brought a jacket. But that's when he hears a sharp inhale behind him, the unmistakeable presence of another human being.

“Hux,” comes a familiar but cracked voice.

A wash of both relief and fear consumes him. So he's _not_ going to get murdered, but he _is_ going to have to face Kylo. Well.

“Kylo,” he breathes, and turns to face him.

Rey wasn't joking. He looks _terrible_. His usually pale skin is even _worse_ now, a sickly pallor that accentuates the purple bruise-like circles under his eyes, and it isn't helped by his hair, unwashed and limp and hanging around his face. He seems to crumple when he sees Hux, mouth dropping open on a gasp and tears springing to his eyes.

“I love you.” It tumbles out and Kylo winces, evidently regretful. “I didn't mean- I wasn't going to start it like this. But I talked to Rey. Do you still… Are you still under the impression that I've never loved you?”

“I am.”

“You're wrong.”

“Be honest, Kylo. You say you've loved me for so long but you didn't _know_ me, you just wanted to.”

“I know lots of things about you.”

“Like?”

“I know your favourite colour is red,” he says, lip wobbling as he gets closer. “I know you love the taste of blueberries, and that your favourite season is winter, and that you didn't learn how to tie your shoelaces properly until you were ten but you knew how to tie a tie when you were six. I know-”

“These are just _facts_ , Kylo. Stating them doesn't give you a special insight into my mind. That's not _me_.”

“I know you have a crippling fear of your father,” Kylo whispers. “And I know it's because he used to hit you when he got mad. I know when you were fifteen you made yourself throw up after every meal because for some reason you have shitty self-esteem. I know that you want someone to love just _you_.” Hux scoffs and turns his head away but now Kylo is almost too near to ignore. “And I know that's because your parents don't pay you any attention and when they do it's always bad, and it's because you have what you deem to be a big friendship group so nobody is entirely focused on one person and-”

Hux is stumbling back now, bile rising in his throat and self-hatred clawing at his heart. “Stop,” he mumbles.

But Kylo doesn't stop.

“-it's _selfish_ , Hux. It's selfish of you to think like that.” Kylo pauses, and presses his palm to Hux's cheek, cupping his jaw. “But it's human. And we're all selfish.” Hux looks up, meeting Kylo's eyes, which are almost overspilling with unshed tears. “I know you. I've known you this whole time, it just didn't go both ways. And… and I love you. I always will. Whether you decide to take me back or not.”

Hux draws himself up straight. “So, you love me. Fine. But my other points still stand.”

“What, about blaming me for being possessive and stuff? Come on, Hux. I can work on that. But I think _you're_ the one with an idealisation problem now. We're just stupid teenagers who live in the middle of nowhere. Not star-crossed lovers from a Nicholas Sparks novel. Our relationship was never gonna be perfect.”

“Really, Kylo? A Nicholas Sparks comparison? I _hate_ him. It's like you don't know me at _all_ ,” he says, and Kylo _laughs_ , loud and delighted, and then clamps his mouth shut in shock, looking as if he's forgotten how it's supposed to sound. “I… Come here,” Hux murmurs, and Kylo obeys, crowding further into his personal space.

“So can we? Get back together, I mean. It doesn't have to be like before, it can be like a probationary period thing if you want, or we can just pick up where we left off, it's up to you really,” he babbles, and Hux quietens him by pressing a finger to his lips. Kylo swallows expectantly.

“So you really don't care that I'm a selfish, egotistical bastard?” He asks, and Kylo smiles, shaking his head gently. “Or equally as self-loathing and damaged?”

“I don't care,” he says, pulling Hux's finger away from his mouth. “Do you care that I'm an ungrateful, melodramatic asshole? Or that I'm spiteful and overly insecure?”

“No,” Hux admits. “I don't.”

Kylo kisses him and it's like coming home. The world tilts back onto it's axis and Hux can finally breathe, all the pain accumulating from the past week seeming to disappear into the space between their lips when they pull apart. Kylo rests his forehead against Hux's, exhaling shakily, eyes screwed shut.

“I have conditions,” Hux says.

“Anything.”

“Give Poe his cat back. Be nicer to Rey and your parents. Try to find a job.”

“A _job?_ That's like… a proper grown up relationship, then.”

“What a pity.”

 

* * *

 

Jakku is a junkyard.

But very occasionally, it can be tolerable. So when the travelling carnival makes it's annual appearance, it tends to be the best time of the year. Rey is off making out with Jessika on the Ferris Wheel and Finn and Poe are making out behind the kissing booth and Hux is stuck with Kylo, who for some reason hasn't taken him to some dark corner so he can feel him up like the rest of his friends. No, Kylo is attempting to win him a _fucking_ goldfish at a _shitty_ little carnival stand. Hux will complain, of course, but it's nice to actually spend time with him. Their whirlwind of a relationship can be broken down into three things: really passionate sex, ridiculous arguments, and sitting in Kylo's room together, focused on their respective tasks rather than each other. Hux can only remember having been on one or two dates with Kylo, before they settled into an easy routine of not really communicating with one another. This is… different, to say the least.

“What do you mean you don't want it?” Kylo says, scandalised, as Hux bats away the prize fish he's holding up proudly. “I won it for you!”

“I didn't _ask_ you to,” Hux mutters, dragging him away from where they're blocking the crowd.

“But it matches your hair,” Kylo argues, bottom lip sticking out as he stares down at the fish. Despite his horrible mood swings, he really does look beautiful tonight, striking against the black sky and pretty features lit up by the twinkling carnival lights. Hux wishes he could draw. He'd capture this moment with pencil and paper and never let it go.

Hux sighs, looking at Kylo's disappointed face. “ _Fine_ ,” he allows. “I'll take it. You have to look after it for now, though.”

His expression breaks out into a sunny smile, and his other hand comes down to grab one of Hux's. “Come on the carousel with me.”

“I'm not going on the carousel _again_ , Kylo. Can't we do something _fun?”_

Kylo pauses, gnawing on his lip absent-mindedly as he glances around the carnival, and then back to Hux. “I have an idea,” he murmurs, and suddenly Hux is hurtling along behind him as he's yanked towards the tree-line of the woods. People give them a few weird looks as they push through the crowd, but Hux pays them no mind. He always gets weird looks when he's with Kylo.

“Jesus _Christ_ , where are we _going?”_ He questions as he's pulled into the thicket, nearly tripping over all the branches and leaves.

“Doesn't matter.”

“Have you taken me out here to rape and murder me?” He asks, suspicious, and gets a laugh in return.

“Not quite.”

“ _Quite?”_

“Shut up, Hux,” Kylo says, and comes to a halt, letting Hux fall against him and planting a brief but ardent kiss on his mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you too-”

“I _love_ you, which is why… which is why I...”

“Spit it out.”

Kylo stands there, tormented, for a minute or two. His face creases with different expressions of uncertainty and his mouth falls open and closed again multiple times as he struggles for words. In the end, he just fumbles in his pocket and produces a ring pop, unceremoniously presenting it to Hux through the absurd method of waving it in his face wordlessly.

“I wanna marry you,” he blurts out, and Hux's insides freeze. “Marry me.”

_Unbearable. Ridiculous. He'll be proposing next._

**_Fucking_  ** _Leia Organa_ , he thinks. He thinks of Rey and her stupid fucking scrapbook. “That's a ring pop,” he says.

“Yeah, I… can't afford a proper ring. And I don't wanna use Mom's or Luke's money, they'd ask to many questions.”

“Kylo… I can't marry you.” He sees it register on Kylo's face, and the heartbreak is almost tangible as he snatches his arm back, scowling at the ground. “I'm sorry. You know I love you, I'm just… I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.”

“You've known me for years.”

“And I've only loved you for _months_. Come on, you were only ever Rey's cousin to me for _ages_. I don't think it counts.” Kylo's jaw clenches and his eyes skitter away as he stands there like a child being scolded. “I know it's different for you, darling. I understand, but-”

“No you _don't_. You'll never understand.”

“I'm _sorry_ ,” Hux repeats. “I just don't think this is the right move for us right now. I'm _eighteen_. You're only twenty.”

“Is this because you don't think we'll stay together?” Kylo inquires sourly.

“ _No_. I mean, first of all I have yet to decide where I stand on marriage as an institution and as a concept, and secondly, I don't think it's necessary for couples to declare their love for one another through a piece of paper. Thirdly-”

“Okay, alright, I get it. You don't wanna marry me.”

“I'll take the ring pop?” Hux tries timidly, and Kylo smiles. “This doesn't mean I want to break up. Or that I don't love you. It's just that this is too soon. Please try to understand.”

“I do,” he admits. “I just get ahead of myself sometimes. And I just love you. Like, a lot. I'm sorry. It's my bad.”

“Hey, I don't care that you're melodramatic, remember? It's okay. I'm sorry for handling this so badly.”

“I don't care that you're damaged, remember?”

Hux tuts but is cut off before he can reply. Kylo tastes of cotton candy and gummy bears when he pushes their mouths together, and Hux's back hits a tree, hard, causing him to groan in pain. Reality almost feels altered, here, where they stand cold and alone under the stars, the distant sound of carnival music and excited screams echoing in their ears. Hux's back hurts and his mouth is being leeched on by the vampire that happens to be his boyfriend. His life is messy and imperfect. But he is young, and he is in love, and he is happy.

Rey's scrapbook may yet come to pass. Just not now.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm like? super annoyed about this. i didn't plan for this to be a series but a few people commented on the last fic for a sequel and inspiration just? struck? idk. this is pretty shit tbh but i hope u had fun. I might keep the series open for more kylux and maybe even some stormpilot or reyva centric stuff. but we'll see, i have a lot of wip's right now and exams are coming up.
> 
> apologies for any briticisms.


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